Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
