Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
