i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
