the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
