3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
