JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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