Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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