ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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