Got a toothbrush?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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