hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
