either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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