she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
