Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
