You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
