bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
