I think I am morally bankrupt
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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