My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
