I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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