Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
