I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Welp...herpes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
