I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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