Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
