My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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