Only a mothe r could love this liver
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Someone came in the potted fern
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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