I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
