Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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