I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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