My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
