we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
