he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
