someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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