seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
