nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
