he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
