to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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