how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
