Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
