hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
