I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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