and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
