I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
