so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
