fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
