he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
