You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
