I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
