You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
