How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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