a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
