just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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