then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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