it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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