i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
